synopsychic | ✿ Investigating time

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✿ Investigating time

[The voice that prods at everyone is so quiet and tentative, it's probably pretty easily ignored, even despite being a voice in everyone's heads. Mai's just that bad at this psychic network thing.

She's trying, though.]

U-um... excuse me, everyone... Er, everyone that can hear me...

[focus, Mai]

I-it's just...does anyone know what we're supposed to be doing? I mean, everyone's wearing such spectacular masks and costumes, but... it's a little lonely...not being able to tell who everyone is...

[You're rambling, Mai.]

Ah! I don't want to take up too much of your time, everyone...I was just wondering... and if there's anything I can do, I definitely want to do my best...! Is it important to figure out who's who...?

...Thank you...for listening.

[She just feels a little alone, with everyone masked and hidden as they are.

ooc: this is a totally open psychic network post, feel free to use it to communicate about identities or what-have-you!]

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[Saitou stopped working once. It was terrible— wait, no, that's not true. But he really does prefer to be doing something, anything that's even remotely useful. Fortunately, all he can really do right now is something fairly simple, so he doesn't mind sharing with her at all.]

Simply anything out of the ordinary. It will help our understanding of this place, and might give us clues as to what we should be doing.

[...unless what they should be doing is dancing. He's doing his hardest to avoid dancing as much as possible.]

[gOTTA TAKE BREAKS SOMETIMES, SAITOU...!! But at the very least, she can do that too, nodding slowly.

Thoughtfully, she shifts her gaze back to the dance, uncomfortable in her own dress. She doesn't know why she ended up with a dress like this, but it certainly doesn't make her feel...okay... not with something so extravagant, and her shoulders bare like this. She's had a lot of things to be uncomfortable about--but at least she's relaxing a bit in Saitou's company.]

Um... a lot of the people who responded to me said that...they think the dances are really important. Um--like something political? ...Or something like that.

That would seem like a reasonable conclusion. [He nods.] They do appear to hold an incredible significance to these people, especially if they've gone so far as to invite us to participate.

[Saitou absolutely agrees with what's been said about the dancing, yet there is clearly something absent from his words. If dancing is so important, why isn't he doing it...?! He hasn't even bothered to give an excuse.]

I wonder if that is really all that is expected of us here.

[... when he says it like that, he makes it sound so easy.

She hesitates for a moment, watching the dance floor, and then she can't keep it in anymore--she blurts it out:]

I can't dance, Saitou-san!

[useless again]

[asldfkjh Mai...

Her sudden declaration takes him by surprise, but only for a moment. He instinctively reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder to help calm her down. It must really stress her out if she reacted in such a way, but the last thing he wanted to do was cause a scene.

When Saitou speaks, his voice is calm, but still level, like her outburst hadn't even happened at all.]

Have you ever tried?

[There's no signs of potential judgement or anything in his question—it's just genuine curiosity about what her problem might be.]

[She hesitates. And when he puts a hand on her shoulder, she does quiet down, shoulders slumping a little. But she drops her gaze as well, fingers twining together awkwardly.]

... I don't remember.

[But she doesn't want to try, and find out that she hadn't, and make a fool of herself on the dance floor when it's so important. She doesn't want to compromise everyone's identities.

Amnesia's a bitch.]

[Ah, of course. It isn't too difficult, then, for him to see why she might not have tried it here, either. If she was unfamiliar with it, she might fear trying and making a mistake. Saitou was the kind of person who preferred to be thoroughly familiar with things before he tried his hand at them, so something like that, he could understand.

That wasn't his only reason for not trying, though. He was also just plain stubborn.

He shakes his head.]

It's alright. You would not be the first to be unfamiliar with it. [Like, you know. Himself. But it's embarrassing to admit so his response is kind of vague.] I'm sure that it would not be difficult to find someone to teach you, if you are interested in learning. However, I doubt that one or two people being unable to participate will affect the ceremony as a whole.

[She takes a deep breath at that, nodding slowly. She doesn't want Saitou to think she isn't trying, because she's trying as hard as she possibly can, so she answers that with a tentative--]

Inigo-san is teaching me... but even so, it's really hard. [And she has no inherent grace, let's be real here.]

I don't think I'll be able to help very much in this Jaunt...b-but if you don't think it will cause problems for the others, I guess that's not so bad after all...

You can't expect to pick up a new art and become an expert overnight. Presumably, everyone here has spent months, if not years, perfecting their skills for this ceremony.

[In other words, he doesn't think it's her fault that she's finding it difficult. It might not be the most comforting way to say it, but that's what he means to say.]

Regardless, I would suggest you keep your head low. There are enough people here that if you are quiet, you should be able to move about unnoticed.

[And hopefully, no one would harass her.]

[...He's right, of course. It's not highly comforting, but it's all he has to offer. And...it'll have to be enough. Slowly, she nods, though she doesn't lift her gaze.

It is what it is, after all. She's trying, but there's only so much she can do here.]

...Okay. Then... I'll try really hard to stay out of the way...

[Even though that's kind of depressing.]

For what it's worth, I don't think you'll have too much trouble. You blend in rather well.

[Is that an attempt at comfort? It might be... It might be...]

[Whether it is or isn't, it sure takes her off guard. Between the dress she's wearing and the mask and everything, she feels like she sticks out like a sore thumb.]

E-eh? Really?

[Not that she doesn't believe him, because he's Saitou and probably wouldn't say anything he didn't mean, but...]

...It's just...everything here is so grand and beautiful... [And she is painfully normal.]

[Even for Saitou, the implication there is pretty clear: she doesn't feel like she belongs here. He can sort of understand—he wasn't especially normal himself, but he did consider himself a simple person. Despite being born a samurai, he generally didn't care for extravagant things. They were nice, of course, but he didn't need them.

Maybe she was a simple person, too, just like him. But he also thought she looked quite nice.

...unfortunately, there isn't enough alcohol in him to say that. Saying that she fits in is really the best he can do.]

Perhaps it is because it's a situation you are unused to. But you do not stand out quite as much as you think.

[...except for that part where she exclaimed that she couldn't dance. If this place wasn't so busy, she absolutely would have stood out then.]

[Despite her best efforts to understand Saitou-ese, it's rather difficult to jump from "you don't stand out" to "you look nice"--so she fails to know that he thinks that. Not that she'd know what to do if he did say that, so they really just are better off this way.

Instead, it's incredible to her that he even thinks she blends in, as grand as everything else is. She's maybe not as simple a person as Saitou--she does like nice things--but she is self-aware enough to know that she doesn't belong here.

But....? Maybe she's okay after all.]

Ah... I hope so. I don't want to cause anyone any problems...

[And the thought of being caught out because she doesn't fit in is nightmarish for her.]

B-but I suppose that's all I should expect... the veterans are really amazing. [they'd never get caught by something like this.]

They have had longer to practice and adjust. It's a matter of experience, nothing more.

[It almost sounds dismissive, but the point he's trying to make is that it's simpler than she thinks. He attempts to elaborate:]

...experience is not so difficult to gain, so long as you try. Even this is a learning experience.

[For him just as much as her, honestly.]

Oh... yes, that's true!

[Just when you think she might've finally understood him--]

After all, Saitou-san comes across like a veteran too, but you haven't been here as long...!

[point

Mai's head.]

[.........w-well. On one hand, he supposes he shouldn't be too troubled by the misunderstanding, since... well, he does wish to come across that way. He didn't want to be seen as someone who had no idea what the hell he was doing (even if that was often the case, at least at the start of most jaunts). But... yeah. That wasn't the point.

He can fix this. May... be...?!]

...that is only because I have had practice. Even before coming here, there have been multiple occasions in which I have had to lie and pretend to be someone else. That, however, is the only advantage I have over you. This place is just as unfamiliar to me as it is to you.

[In other words, he knew how to lie, and he knew how to lie about lying—that was really the only difference.]

[... Admittedly, she doesn't exactly take it as the reassurance he probably intends for it to be, but she doesn't seem bothered, at least...? She's more interested than anything, tilting her head thoughtfully.]

Eh...? You had to pretend to be someone else, Saitou-san?

[She admittedly doesn't remember her history well, but she didn't realize that was a thing in ye olden days.]

Occasionally, my identity is... problematic. [It's a weird way to describe something like that, but it's the most fitting he can come up with right now. He continues:] I am a known captain of the Shinsengumi, and my name as well as my loyalties sometimes make it difficult to collect information. If I want to be trusted, I cannot always be Hajime Saitou, captain of the Shinsengumi's 3rd unit.

[That probably makes it sound nicer than it actually is. It wasn't always as simple as collecting information—he was deceiving people, betraying them.]

It's very similar to what we do here.

[Ah... His identity is problematic because he's...too well-known. She doesn't quite pick up on the actual nuances, or the fact that he's spying, deceiving, betraying.

What she picked up out of that was--]

O-oh...! I...think I understand a little. Saitou-san was too well-known, so everyone would know who you are... That's amazing!

[probably not quite what he meant]

[He is not sure how to feel about that response... For one, he's not sure that "amazing" is anywhere close to the right word for it, and for two— he's not sure if she's understanding him at all!

(But he doesn't blame her for this. It's his own fault, probably. He never was very good at communication, after all... It was only natural that he would be misunderstood.)

Oh well. He just nods in agreement with her understanding of the situation.]

...right. So if my duties required me to lie, then I would lie. [He makes a small gesture, motioning toward the other people in the room.] Much like when we run into natives of the places we visit, or when our comrades are... not themselves. For me, the only difference is our location.

[You know, Saitou, people might understand you better if you corrected them when they're wrong... nonetheless, she's starting to get a legitimate idea of things now. Saitou had to...]

...Oh... you had to be an Infiltrator back home, too...?

[She pauses, a little awkwardly, considering everything Saitou has told her. He has friends, companions, people he trusts, but if he was infiltrating, lying and hiding his identity, was he able to be with them?

As per usual, things like the fact that he was lying don't come across to her as the most important thing. Rather, that's--]

That sounds...a little lonely... was that really okay? [For Saitou?]

[There's a part of him that can't understand how (or why) she comes to that conclusion at all, but there's another part of him that isn't really that surprised about it. In a lot of ways, Mai and Chizuru were alike, and considering the kind of people they were—kind, caring, thoughtful people—it doesn't seem strange at all that Mai would be concerned with that. Chizuru had been concerned about Saitou's way of dealing with these particular things, too.

But Saitou gives Mai the same answer he'd given Chizuru.]

Whether it is or not is irrelevant. What matters is that I do what needs to be done.

...If you say so...

[Still, even with Saitou saying it so firmly, she's not sure... it still sounds so lonely to her. So a moment later, she takes a slow breath, nodding. She's still out of place here, and she's still lost and confused a lot of the time, but--]

Then...I'll just try to make sure I'm close by when Saitou-san is being brave like that. Then...then you definitely won't have to be lonely...!

[He... doesn't really know what to do with those words.

Saitou didn't consider himself a lonely person at all—maybe during missions back home and certain jaunts here, it was lonely, but it was only ever temporary. Just knowing that his friends would be there when it was all over was more than enough for him. He had people to come home to, and that was enough.

Maybe that's why his feelings are mixed. He knows that she is earnest, and he would be lying if he said that he didn't like having people he cared about close by, but he didn't think those temporary bouts of loneliness were worth fussing over. It was worth it if it meant everyone (both people he knew and people he didn't) would be safe in the long run.

Not to mention...]

You realize that it could be dangerous, correct?

[Most people would probably just accept it, but not Saitou. The thought was nice but he did things the way he did for a reason. If she didn't know that, then she needed to.]

✿ Investigating time

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